The strange stigma against getting older
“People have been underestimating me because of my age for decades and saying I should retire,” says Sister Jean Dolores Schmidt, the 104-year-old nun who went viral for her cheerleader-level antics while working as the chaplain for the Loyola University Chicago men’s basketball team. And not only is Schmidt still working as a chaplain, a role she’s held for 29 years, she just published her first book Wake Up with Purpose! What I’ve Learned in My First Hundred Years. And she’s certainly not ready to retire, a suggestion she finds funny. “Just because I’m old doesn’t mean I can’t do things,” she says. “I’ve lived this long because I do things I love.”
Schmidt’s not the only person to encounter these assumptions about getting older. There’s still a strange stigma around age—and we say “strange” because the fact is that we’re all aging from the second we’re born. There’s no escaping aging except, well, dying. And nobody wants that.
Even though we’re all getting older (right now, this very minute!), somehow we never think we’ll be “old.” As a result, ageism runs rampant in society, not to mention in the workplace, leading to some very unprofessional work habits. These ageist attitudes lead to an us-versus-them mentality (hello, baby boomers and millennials), which just continues the cycle of negativity.
How we talk about aging affects how well we age
“Our perceptions of aging and how we talk about it can directly impact our health and others’ health,” says Scott Kaiser, MD, a geriatrician and director of geriatric cognitive health for the Pacific Neuroscience Institute in Santa Monica, California. He explains how:
- Psychologically: People with positive perceptions of aging are more likely to live longer and thrive mentally.
- Behaviorally: People choose to take better care of a body and mind that they love and plan on keeping for a long time.
- Physically: An optimistic perception of aging leads to less stress and less inflammation in the body, which in turn leads to better heart health and a stronger immune system.
OK, so clearly the words we use to talk about aging are important. But even if you’re respectful of older generations—discussing the topic of aging with care and never using flat-out offensive terms—navigating this topic is still tricky. Just like with mental health etiquette, it’s not enough to know the etiquette rules and etiquette mistakes. You also need to be aware of polite habits most people dislike, including your choice of words. You may not realize it, but some of the “polite” things you’re saying about aging are actually rude.
We asked Dr. Kaiser, along with belonging expert Ritu Bhasin and several folks over the age of 50, to share what they wish you wouldn’t say—and what to say instead.
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